How to Handle Perfectionism During Eating Disorder Recovery
Last month, we shared three common thought patterns that patients experience during eating disorder recovery. Perfectionism is another driving thought belief for many of our clients. We define perfectionism as a self-protective mechanism that posits, “If I do everything exactly right, I can escape any pain that comes from my struggles.” It’s this idea that, if you control everything, you can also control how the world perceives you.
In today’s blog post, let’s discuss how perfectionism shows up in your relationship with food and how to best combat perfectionist thought patterns.
To start, it’s important to understand that perfectionism is a way to protect yourself from hurt, both from other people and from yourself. This thought pattern allows you to release your fears or triggers by totally controlling your surroundings.
It’s easy to see, then, how perfectionism can show up within your belief systems about eating and exercise. Maybe you think there is a perfect food, perfect meal, or even a perfect amount of a certain nutrient. Or you may believe that there is a specific exercise routine you must complete every day. As a result, you can create the perfect body or perfect picture of health.
The problem with perfectionism is that it requires you to control your thoughts, feelings, environment, social settings, and personal or professional obligations — many of which are often out of your control! Everything in your daily life must be manipulated to ensure it’s exactly what you need at any given time.
In the case of disordered eating, perfectionism often appears like a funnel.
As you become more and more specific about what your eating or exercise habits should be, your options become more and more limited. Eventually, your regiment is so extreme that you’re unable to maintain it. You have to change too much of your life in order to achieve your ideal approach to eating and exercise. Specifically as it relates to disordered eating, it has made it impossible for you to healthfully engage in eating, a self-care activity that is required for your survival.
Here are three ways to push back against perfectionism:
1. Identify and challenge thought distortions.
Respond in the moment to your perfectionist voice. For instance, if you are sitting at the dinner table and thinking, “I absolutely cannot eat this breakfast.” Stop and focus on that thought: “Wait a minute. I’m feeling triggered by this food. Can I be flexible and allow myself to believe that this meal is okay?” When that type of thinking becomes really difficult to engage, that’s when it’s time to seek professional help and begin seeing a dietitian, therapist, and/or treatment team.
2. Be more open-minded.
Perfectionism is all about the outcome: this choice and this choice lead to this result. Instead, reframe your way of thinking into a process — a process of growth, of learning, of experimentation, and of curiosity. You may think something like: “This meal feels really challenging to me and doesn’t fit with what I had in mind. But let me just eat it and see how it goes. Maybe I’ll have a different experience than what I’m predicting.” Be open-minded and challenge yourself in small but meaningful ways!
3. Practice flexibility.
A huge feature of perfectionism revolves around thoughts like “I should,” “I can’t,” or “I must.” Start using phrasing like “It’s possible” or “I might.” This simple shift can have a profound impact on your perspective and emotions. It challenges the fears that arise during your recovery by focusing on trying new ideas in a safe space and then assessing the experience afterwards. Ask yourself, “Was it really as bad as I thought it would be?”
To talk to a professional about eating disorder treatment, please reach out to our staff or schedule an appointment at The Kahm Clinic today.